the new me

merryhappyjoyeux

2011-01-01T14:01:00.000-08:00

sitting in a noisy house wondering what the year has in store.
so many lines and marks and ways to go
how it goes anyone would know??

tarnished

2010-12-28T19:06:00.000-08:00

faceless looking inside myself
tarnished endings disappear into the seaside
gasping for reality
toasting glasses clink against the sandstorm of time
each moment passes
ripped from the fabric of itself

snowface

2010-12-27T08:40:00.001-08:00

snowy winter swirling flakes winter air bright sunshine cold hands warm cocoa wet mittens gloppy boots snowman snow angel snowball sled boots plow shovel iced trees

2010-12-21T08:45:00.000-08:00

seeing herself differently
a reflected mirror image not her own
angry spiteful vengeful facade looks back
a shadow of herself
not who she wants needs to be
an unknown stranger
the evil twin sneaks out
wrecks her happy daily life
shushed and stuffed full of good things
the monster quiets
but silently the twin creeps
speaks out
rears her head and roars
and she does not like it
at all.

2010-09-23T08:31:00.000-07:00

"morning feeling"

the quiet depth of the morning
confuses & confounds me.
my senses demand,
implore,
beg
action,
noise,
chaos.
alert and expectant,
wandering the rooms of my mind.
anticipating, knowing.
the silence
is also emptiness.

insects

2010-06-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

the subtle scent of incense burning and warm takes me back to summers of my youth. a distant memory, not quite faded from my brain. the smell wraps itself around me, vaguely familiar. i cannot quite grasp the images, they are dream-like and distant at times. and then suddenly clear, conjuring up scenes of sunshine, heat, smoke, a dull rhythm of drum beats and velvet corners. smooth and curving, they cling to the deepest recesses within me.

summertime

2010-06-25T13:12:00.000-07:00

green grass lays spinning
twirling flashing around
in a swirling circle whir
sun drenched dark floor boards
leading to the frothy ocean colour
schemed out of winter dreams
dayscapes of easy-ness
sandy feet hand hair
dried suits parched skin
browned in the afternoon skies

secrets

2010-06-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

saying too much has always been an issue for her
not saying enough was never a real problem
always speaking, thinking, wondering, assuming, wishing, writing, believing
sharing has been something she's longed to do
with someone, anyone
trusting someone else, baiting them to pass along details
hoping they would not share what was meant to be kept private

2010-06-24T15:53:00.000-07:00

scent of punk incense
sluices rain through the barley sacks
strung out after the rain
soaked through chlorine perfumed towels
candles flicker
shrieked cries erupt splashed over
fan whirls plastic
stillness brandished over burned grass
beneath the sunshone clouds robins cruise
my eyes cast over
the lit greenbrown palm tree sits alone
lost
forlorn
forgotten

driven

2010-06-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

she had driven to the edge of the world, or so it seemed. perching on the slope of a grassy hill that went on and on, she peered over the side, careful to not pitch forward into what she saw as the abyss of rocks, stones, grass, twigs. and end of her existence. sighing heavily, she closed her eyes and wondered silently how she had reached here. to this point in her life where just looking down a hill conjured up images of darkness and destruction. she quickly shook the images from her head, opened her eyes and gazed out, determined to see this beautiful scene for what it really was. a magical place where her life now was and where her life could be something new.

mutterings week 380

2010-05-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

I say ... and you think ... ?

Rock n Roll :: hall of fame, love letter
Be with you :: want, desire, and also with me
Richard :: the lionhearted, the third, hatch
Hair :: bear bunch,
Police :: sting, state
Experience :: the sensation
Father figure :: it out, dad
Nice :: one, hat, to me
Switch :: plate, it on
Appearance :: isn't everything, matters

for unconscious mutterings week #380

event

2010-05-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

"event"

small and inconsequential
a blip in time (and space)
one moment out of so very many
she lifted her eyes upwards
wondering why
how it had suddenly occurred
a tiny spark
brought back around
created this
a new timeline
for her
for all of us
she stepped back
away from the edge
blending again
into a crowd
of millions
alone.

*for sunday scribblings - event"

my life

2010-05-04T13:18:00.000-07:00

"my life"
gathering together
nonsense chatter
coffee speed
errands to complete
two hours
rush
more at home
coffee speed
text message
lunchbox drop
gym shorts new school
double park
karate dance soccer band
crockpot take away
cereal for dinner
wrap it up
lights out
start again
another day

dinner

2010-04-28T15:31:00.001-07:00

what to have, where to eat, when to start
where to start?
overdone
underdone
hot
cold
blackened
raw
covered with sauce (not ketchup)
do you want fries with that?
(giggle)
remember to salt the water
fling the pasta on the wall?
clear up
wash up
wipe up

start over tomorrow

*bit late, for prompt "dinner" sunday scribblings*

red hot

2010-04-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

stolen moments whispered words
borrowed kisses hidden doors
closed eyes
dark corners
underneath the veil of night
they meet
hidden behind masks of deceit and white lies
she with not he but him
he with not her but she
encoded texts double meanings
words glance the edges of the page
unsent unseen
tripp over black and white and red
envy's necessity wishes lock
windows crack left open
undone
shimmering flung
senselessly slammed land
muddied with time's passing

for may

2010-04-14T10:38:00.000-07:00

born in springtime when flowers are new to the trees
she greeted us with a cheery smile and a wave
always asked about my babies
watched them grow, remembered their names
she observed the world from her front porch rocker
compared flowers and weather over shopping carts and walks
a bright and sunny spring day, pink blossoms and freshly green trees
dear may is remembered and missed already

labour

2010-03-11T18:32:00.000-08:00

it was love's labour's lost. in one go. step up to the stage and get moving, take the baton and run with it. she grasped the prop and stood there babbling about nothing in particular. then she looked around and realised everyone was smiling. they were clapping. she had no clue what she said but she was happy she had taken the chance and done it.

*for one word, labour*

blizzard

2010-02-11T18:52:00.001-08:00

the blizzard was coming, no one was ready.
everyone was panicked.
tv news crews rushed. recorded. frightened everyone.
milk bread eggs flashlights meds shovels
what a relief, no school, lots of games, popcorn, children's laughter.
snowpiles. snowmen. snowball fights.
best long weekend ever!

for one word, "blizzard"

message

2010-02-11T18:42:00.000-08:00

"message"

the message arrived loud and clear
she just didn't hear it correctly
she didn't want to believe it
she nudged the idea out of her head
she tried, she pushed, she shoved
how could it be this
not here, not now
she squeezed her eyes closed
willed herself not to hear it
grasped at the fading dream

slowly she stumbled blindly out of the bed
reaching over to pick up the whimpering baby
"now now darling, hush, mama's here for you, always"

for sunday scribblings, "message"

yes

2010-01-25T19:31:00.000-08:00

"yes"
they stood on a dark grassy hill overlooking the town. he held her hand, their fingers intertwined. his other hand shoved deep in his coat pocket clutched the small velvet box. he'd carried it for weeks now. he traced the outline of the box, imagined the circular outline of the ring secured inside, pictured it sliding onto her left hand.
the air was crisp and chilly and she shivered slightly.
he clasped her hand tighter, then turned to her and smiled. she laughed, as she always did. his eyes twinkled bluer when he smiled. still holding her left hand, he turned back toward her and took a deep breath.
"now or never," he thought.
he tucked the ring box into the palm of his right hand. he dropped down onto his right knee while holding her hand and the box and looked up at her.
she gasped in recognition of his intent and then smiled again.
"will you. . .," he left the sentence dangle and then lifted the box from his pocket and opened his hand palm side up to her, opening the box with one hand.
". . .marry me? please?" his eyes held hers unsure of her reply.
her green eyes glistened as she held out her hand atop his hand.
"of course, of course, yes."

he smiled pulling himself out of his daydream. he glanced at her, the green grassy hill and grasped her hand, their fingers entwined. a gentle breeze blew over the trees while a distant church bell rang.
"it's now or never," he thought.

for sunday scribblings "yes"

fait accompli

2010-01-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

she signed her name, sealed the envelope and placed the stamp, not realising that mailing this one letter would impact her future so greatly.

red bus

2010-01-23T19:35:00.001-08:00

everyday she took the same big red bus. she rarely sat on top. walking up the round stairway while the bus raced down the road frightened her. when the conductor came to take the fare, as he often did, she would pay the full fare. sometimes he missed her and she would thankfully pay one less fare zone, it was enough for a small tea in at the park kiosk. she loved walking in the park along the water's edge during her lunch break. sometimes the sun shone through, but more often it was hidden behind dark clouds.

*work in progress*

unconscious mutterings

2010-01-04T04:09:00.000-08:00

I say ... and you think ... ?

365 :: days a year, make a year
Tombstone :: pizza, cowboy
Dumb :: luck, blonde
Intrusive :: idiot, world
Fat :: lot of good, meat
Axe :: handle
Planned :: parenthood
Spike :: lee, ground, hand
Bleach :: dye, hair, wash
Shopkeeper :: busy, england

for unconscious mutterings week #362

delicious

2009-12-31T22:43:00.001-08:00

the delicious scent of it entices her
drawn deeper inside
she inhales
just one more deep breath
licking her lips in anticipation
the taste, the feel
its smoothness easing over her entire body
hot and cold together
mountains of senstaions
swelling within her
reaching forward
just once
just one
more

for sunday scribblings prompt 'delicious'

**trying to get back into actually putting words onto this blog and not just in my head or bits of scattered paper**

one word - blinds

2009-12-26T21:52:00.001-08:00

**for one word**

"blinds"
blinds are a way to keep the dark in and the sunshine out. covered up and hidden, we creep around, within ourselves, covered and sheltered while the world passes us by. blinded by the brilliance of so many minds, so many thoughts and ideas. immersed in the intensity of the surrounding world. we flutter hidden behind our blinds.

pinksugar

2009-11-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

"pinksugar"
sugar and spice and all that was nice. that was exactly who she was. all pink and ruffles and poofiness. and i loved every inch of her girlishness. after all these boys, a little girl was just the thing i thought i needed. she had the same needs and desires as the boys, only she had them in pink and princess mode. with sequins and marabou and hair bows. she was as much work as all of the boys put together, full of herself and everyone else. and we loved her desperately! all of us, the boys, her daddy and me. we inhaled her pink sugary smell, her pink princess-y clothes, her spicy attitude and we needed her, just as much as she needed us.

*for one word prompt*

one word - intuition

2009-10-26T04:11:00.000-07:00

"intuition"

her mother's intuition was strong. she was sure that it was the best idea for her son, but of course he had other ideas. she knew he needed to heed her advice. but in the end, she did the smart thing, she let him choose his own path, his own destiny. and in the end, her intuition was proved correct.

*for one word prompt*

not saying

2009-10-07T17:00:00.001-07:00

"what not to say"

she opened her mouth
words spilled out
others were omitted
surprised shocked
disregarded for their open-mindedness

roses

2009-10-07T17:00:00.000-07:00

"roses"

silky flowers hopeful smiles
she knew nothing
not forevermaybe till next year
sadness voices
broken dreams and dishes
roses wilted in the vase

one word - chase

2009-10-05T00:35:00.000-07:00

"chase"

chase me now. chase me down. chase me and catch me. make me know that you need to know me and need to be with me. chase the feeling away and realise the silliness of all the things that were said and unsaid. be who you want to be, and be there for me. chase the uneasiness away and make sure that the future is there for us.

one word

faceless

2009-10-04T11:11:00.001-07:00

"faceless"

she sat quietly watching
suddenly speaking up in the midst
saying more than she should
backing herself into a corner
the need for a shovel was strong
but no one offered her one
we kept open mouthed closed
shocked and surprised at her dark words
our small group divided
one outsider left out
sly words later
decisions made unsaid
questions unknown openmind
friendships maintained

one word --apron

2009-10-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

"apron"

he was tied to his mum's apron strings, that's what the church ladies said. but in reality, he just loved her. he knew she was lonely and wanted to make her last years on earth pleasant ones. after all, she had looked after him all those years, during the war when there were so few things, so little to eat and so much distress. so he made her happy now, took her places, and to dinner. he sat and chatted over old times and remembered with her.

one word

unconscious mutterings #349

2009-10-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

to help motivate my brain again, unconscious mutterings week #349

I say ... and you think ... ?

Yacht :: club
Paula :: deen
Delete :: ctrl/alt
Auto :: pilot
Obsolete :: writing
Dedicated :: teacher
Old :: and decrepit
Convince :: me
Poster :: child
Erase :: head

a rainy beachy day

2009-09-09T09:32:00.000-07:00

beach rain upsets the balance of a summer day
rain gushes sideways and blows through the empty street
the decks and pools slide wet and slippery
vacationers peer from their temporary stilted wooden homes
drifting outside to see a picture or walk the bustling shops
frogs and turtles smile.

i long to stay indoors and read
i watch the rain trickle down the roof onto the weathered wooden deck
i see it pool at the bottom of the driveway
rain bounces off the crystal blue pool water
the seabirds fly a little slower and shelter in the greenery on the dunes.
they fish and fly regardless.

the sky is grey and hazy, but the spark of sun underneath those clouds gives me hope!

bars

2009-08-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

prompted from one word site

"bars"
she entered the edge of the walkway, she knew there was no way thru the bars, no way to escape. but she continued, backed up against the metal grating. she wished for her hero, the man who always came to rescue her, at least in her dreams. where was he? the man in the long coat with the fancy name. she knew there was no more time. she closed her eyes and took a deep breath....

unconscious mutterings week 343

2009-08-23T10:38:00.000-07:00

I say ... and you think ... ?

Disguised :: as a mild mannered newsboy
Big wheel :: keeps on turning
Irritating :: noise
Care :: package
Grandpa :: spoils us
Shooting :: water at the pool
Sunglasses :: on my face
Stampede :: of wild zoo animals (my kids)
Painstakingly :: obvious
Terrible position :: to be in

for unconscious mutterings

darkening

2009-07-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

he clings to it
the anger like a spider web attaches itself to his soul
it propels him through each day
into the sunshine and again through each dark night
running relieves a part with some distraction
the speed, the miles, the adrenaline rush
but then it stops and he comes back
to the anger......
and she steps away, glad to be free of his fury, his resentments.
but knowing she was part of his diversion.
for a short while.

carry on tuesday

2009-06-23T15:35:00.000-07:00

a new prompt for me, written without much editing. in an effort to write more 'story-like', i'm varying my approach to writing.

so for carry on tuesday, with the prompt to start it out in italics.

you would have understood me, had you waited. but you didn't. you were so anxious to move on, to continue your life without me. why was i so bad for you? what did you expect, a prince on a white horse to sweep you away? like that would ever happen, to you, to anyone. so i smacked you a couple of times. i mean come on, i said i was sorry. and i don't drink that much. just a few beers during the football or down the pub with my mates. what's the big deal. i said i would change. why didn't you believe me. you could have given me another chance. i'm not the bad one here.

one word

2009-06-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

another blogger mentioned this one word site, and so i played along. the object is to write something on a prompt (mine was "match"). once you've typed in your words, you can share what you wrote by giving your name and email address.

"match"
he hit the ball across the court. match point the announcer declared. on and on the game went. over and over he hit, volleyed and lobbed his way to a winning score. a minute before the end of the game he realised all was lost and he bowed his head.

sunday scribblings - vision

2009-06-19T15:56:00.000-07:00

vision - sunday scribblings

"vision"
perky hot sexy
drawn in
enamoured and enthralled
voice carried away
pretty words twisted
flipped beneath upside
slicked back grosgrain vision
red sordid tales
woe not
strength in her
strengthened her
back turned
walked away

averted

2009-06-19T03:58:00.000-07:00

"averted"

knees held
erred over herself
tired of trees and ribbons
untold truths
revealed within the pages
turned over until
reality set them free

2009-06-18T10:26:00.000-07:00

"whispering"

whispering voices in the dark
keep her awake long enough
veined deep stabbed in her head
colours flow around words
ideas
images
sawdust floats through her vision
trampled beneath wetness
streaming down her cheeks
flowing curving atop the fluff
like pollen blowing in the breeze
attached bitter biting to everyone

moonlight

2009-06-16T02:27:00.000-07:00

"moonlight"
moonlight sits atop the ridge
flowing among the stars and shapes
beneath a molten sky
flowers float drift downwards
dipping petals in the seawater
shiny wet shimmers along the horizon
deep within the murky pathway
straight to heaven or hell
her heart beats loudly in her skin
daring everyone around to hear

words

2009-06-15T01:03:00.000-07:00

"words"
book words flow surround
drowning in ideas
nowhere to expand them
express them quickly
before they drift away
unknown and undone
thinking believing
scribbling always on
ahead

sunday scribblings #167

2009-06-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

for sunday scribblings, "absurd".

"real life"

to have ended up where she began, the absurdity of it all was not lost on her. she wondered how to deal with the problem, if one could call it that. one useless man out of her life for good, a new nicer slightly more useful man in. she thought she had it all, or at least a small portion of it. she had a roof over her head, a car that worked most of the time. there was some food in the fridge, she couldn't complain, shouldn't complain. she wasn't complaining, just this one new thing, it added in a new texture to the whole 'this is real life take it or leave it' mentality.

she chose to take it. this time she chose to embrace it. she could deal with it this time. she looked at the pink line showing faintly on the stick. yes, this time she would have more experience. she stood up, stepping over a barrage of toy trucks and sticky fingerprints, pictures taped to the not quite empty fridge. yes, this time would be easier. she wouldn't be alone.

sunday scribblings #166

2009-06-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

this was for last week's sunday scribblings, "soul mate" but obviously i'm a week late of course!!

"quicken"

open me up
quick within my soul
seen deep
pushed aside
no heart
nothing hidden
bitterness splayed wide
on view for all
thrown aside
years old
neglected
torn

unconscious mutterings week 332

2009-06-12T18:54:00.000-07:00

I say ... and you think ... ?

Hockey :: mom
Twirling :: drummer
Montreal :: canadians
Better :: you better you better you bet
New :: me
Rally :: round
Stanley :: cup
USB :: port
Scouted :: for in the trees
Cough :: loud and annoying

for unconscious mutterings

envisioned

2009-05-23T17:13:00.000-07:00

"envisioned"

she feels apart from all of it somehow.
engulfed, entwined, maybe even flattened beneath its weight.
the strength and layers of it holds her.
it forces her down, under where she wants to be.
overnight it changes.
on a whim it changes.
she cannot control how it embraces her.
feelings so vast she is consumed by herself.
and yet completely unable to verbalise it to any other.
it whirrs within her brain.
behind her eyes she sees it all as something completely out of her grasp.
her peripheral vision is shifted.
turned on its own axis.
up becomes under and down is now topside.
she wishes it better, knows it will not, begs it back

sunday scribblings - worry

2009-05-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

"worry" for sunday scribblings

worry

her sister is a worrier. she sits at home and frets over the slightest thing. how the weather will affect her best friend's son's baseball game. or what mrs smith's scan results are. or will there be traffic on the way to the beach house in three months' time. will the kids do well with their exams. will little billie find his way to the supermarket or get hit by a bus. some of these things are out of her hands. just a minute of concern but not hours and hours of fretting and tedious worrisome pacing. at some point her sister will phone and reveal that all went well. the kids are doing fine, mrs smith's scan shows a smudge but the doctor is confident it will be fine after a little surgery. there are no bus accidents. a plane does not fall on her house, this week.
the thing about her sister is that at least she tells everyone she worries. she shares the details, she does it aloud. she does not keep it inside her heart. she does not have a heavy heart. because as she worries, she also prays. she thinks her sister should worry less and rely on the prayers more. but she loves her sister and so she allowes her sister this one little foible. this small thing, that really isn't so minute at times.
but she loves her sister, and she realises that so long as her sister is there to worry and fret and pray, then she feels safe.

sunday scribblings

2009-05-22T05:13:00.000-07:00

been out of touch for a bit, this is late but the prompt sparked a thought (or two).

sunday scribblings "disconnected"

disconnected

she reached into her purse and fumbled around for her phone. the constant texts were polite, apologetic, and annoying at the same time. the turned the alerts off and dropped the phone back into her bag. looking around, she realised she was stood in the middle of the sidewalk, other pedestrians making a gully around her immovable figure. she slung the bag back over her shoulder and headed towards the coffee shop. hopefully the presence of her good friends would bring back some reality into her life. make her feel more connected to the rest of the world. ever since she shut the door, she needed them even more.

the view

2009-05-20T16:40:00.000-07:00

jumbled jangled
flipped inside out
right side in
lines blurred
then veered to the left
and right
around the bend
never the same way twice
or once
peering from inside out
to the outside in

sunday scribblings (on a monday)

2009-04-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

bit late posting this...and a slightly less than stellar attempt at rhyme ;)

sunday scribblings

"follow"
follow the eyes
follow the heart
follow knowledge
don't stand apart

follow directions
follow behind
follow the footsteps
know your own mind

follow the path
follow the way
follow uphill
just don't go astray

unconscious mutterings week 325

2009-04-19T16:56:00.000-07:00

for unconscious mutterings week 325

I say ... and you think ... ?

Lease :: on life, to own
Dead :: is dead, wood, head
Removed :: my heart
Broke :: empty, void, my
Lips :: like sugar
Flight :: of the angels
Three hours :: the time i wish i had to sleep longer
Give :: and take, away
Technical :: difficulties, service, geeks
Hurry :: come up

2009-04-14T11:56:00.000-07:00

"she moves"

he leaves
and she feels lost
unknowing and uncaring
an emptiness surrounds her heart
her brain is dull and lifeless
she moves forward
hour by hour
day by day
week by week
sloshing slowly over the wetness
the fractured part of her heart torn
pushed aside daily
unmending
covered with dark fabric
exposed
raw
static

sunday scribbles

2009-04-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

for a prompt, scary, for sunday scribblings

"scared"
her eyes are everywhere at once
she does it well, keeps them organised
stops to watch the crocodiles
looks away and then back
calls to him
then realises
he is gone, not to be seen
where has he gone
they rush to and fro
search, ask, call, yell, pray
everyone searches
time stops
where has he gone?
is he hiding?
she holds her breath
heart pounds eyes probe
the terror
the horrible feeling of uselessness
time passes
she stops and hears news
he is fine
safe sound well
he has wandered
far
found by a family
he is good
he shows them the paper
numbers for his family
"hi daddy"
he returns to mom
she cries
he was not scared
much
she was
and is thankful for that wonderful family
and the wonderful people who helped

go on

2009-03-23T10:20:00.001-07:00

"GO ON"

go today, go tomorrow, but just go
make my world a part of yours
wish it true
be it true
flash forward
protect your right to speak
say what you think
but keep your balance

sunday scribblings

2009-03-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

for sunday scribblings, "where do YOU come from"
*this seemed appropriate this week, so for my nan, may god watch over and keep her*

those who came before her
she comes from the strength of them
that group of sturdy women
long lives and long memories
happiness and sadness
she longs to be like her nan
remembering the good
not the bad
making a smile
or a slymischievous grin
a wink
nimble hands up through her 101st year
she moves to a faster beat now
in the light watching over all of us

unconscious mutterings

2009-03-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

I say ... and you think ... ?

Sunburn :: painful
Aquarium :: baltimore, md
Otter :: pops
Awesome :: amazing concert
LOL :: those dumb cats
Accordion :: tiny tim
Hot Pocket :: nasty
Grandstand :: drag racing
Shaved :: clean
Upgrade :: fios

days gone by

2009-03-10T09:19:00.000-07:00

watching arsenic and old lace
laughing over the comic gags
cary grant's typical funny faces
the hollywood heart throb
long gone
still remembered
he makes us smile
brightens our day
timeless.

trusting....

2009-03-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

"trust and responsibility"

he regarded her aloofness. her manner had changed and he was unable to pin-point what it was that was new. she looked the same.
she smelled the same, probably better even. but she was distant and pushed away from him, as though protected by a bubble of safety. she flashed green eyes at him and he smiled. her guard dropped that quickly, for just a moment, only to return when she saw his smile.
suddenly he realised it, a light bulb moment as his son would say. "she doesn't trust you idiot, you haven't proved yourself to her yet," he thought.

*incomplete*

sunday scribblings #152

2009-02-28T19:03:00.000-08:00

sunday scribblings "lost"

she opens her eyes slowly
takes in her surroundings
attempts to shake the lost in the dark feeling
she shivers knowing she isn't really cold
but nervous
recalls to last night
glass of wine
wink kiss smile
she knows
feels warmer
not nervous, happy
scent of coffee
music singing
one voice
home at last
from far away
stay, don't go again!

beginning

2009-02-24T06:40:00.000-08:00

"beginning"
the way it started
a way it began
drawn in
eyes the colour of rich coffee
drowning in possession
never forgetting
the memory of it
long ago, far away
continue on
passing years
moving on
no illusions
him with her
her with him
feeling what?
confusion
looking at her
knowing her
deep within that webbed circle
chained to the past
just one more time
the passion obsession
restored
removed
renewed.

springtime

2009-02-23T15:16:00.000-08:00

"signs of spring"

grey fluffy clouds float overhead
the roar of a jet engine heard
geese fly vees south or north
huge black birds circle
pale green shoots
red tinged maple tree
snowmen melt shovels wilt
white chair sits forlornly waiting
more signs of spring

the song

2009-02-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

strains of an old song
(was it kate bush?)
memories of old
(before diapers and playdates)
a calm time
(frightening and cold)
a dark room icy windows
(no one to love)
(no one to hold)
black eyes wet face
the song fades out
(love your today)
(cherish your now)

unconscious mutterings #314

2009-02-02T06:30:00.001-08:00

for unconscious mutterings week #314

I say ... and you think ... ?

Take :: me out to the ballpark, that, away
350 :: degree oven
Stand :: up (get up stand up, stand up for your rights - marley)
Raspberry :: swirls
Turnstile :: subway, handy manny
Infomercial :: duped
Dejected :: withdrawn
What’s the word? :: the word is spell
Awestruck :: me, at times in certain person's presence
Smashed :: glass, finger

sunday scribbles #148

2009-01-31T08:50:00.000-08:00

on time this week, well mostly :)
for sunday scribbles regrets

"regrets"

she never thinks of it in a way that makes her sad. not anymore. she is well past the regret portion of the relationship. she thinks only of her life now, her future, her happiness, their happiness. certainly she remembers. how can she not remember. how can anyone not recall those little tidbits of life long past. the pieces that add up and make her who she is now. she doesn't wince or frown about it. she doesn't speak about it either. she remembers, but those memories are few and scant in her normal life. just as other sights and sounds remind her of other past events, the scent of roses or tinkling bells of her mother, a certain holiday song of an old long missed friend, they are there. although more faded as time goes by. she is content with that. without these events, these people, she would not be where or who she is not. she cannot change her past, nor would she.

sunday scribbles # 147

2009-01-31T08:44:00.000-08:00

this is a week late, but once started it needed to be written completely.
for sunday scribbles -- phantoms and shadows

"shadows"
she walks down the road toward the pond at the park. she knows he won't be there, but she goes regardless. she tries to shake off the sadnesss and then sighs heavily. she knows the feeling will pass. the warm breeze feels good on her face, and she continues her walk toward the shade of the trees. she picks up a stray leaf and twirls it in her hand. memories of other times, walking and laughing, flood her brain. she smiles and frowns in quick sucession. she remembers sipping tea by the kiosk, a stolen kiss when they were shy. the water is bright and shiny in the sunshine and she remembers geese squalking and buying fresh bread to feed ducks. walking in the morning to fetch the sunday papers, rushing back home to cuddle under the blankets. more cups of steaming hot tea, milky white and sweet for her, dark and less sweet for him. much like him, dark and less sweet.

unconscious mutterings week #313

2009-01-25T08:38:00.000-08:00

I say ... and you think ... ?

Unwanted :: food
You’d better :: eat all your dinner.
Woman :: power
Weighed :: options
Upright :: homo erectus
I feel :: powerful
Ill :: sick
It’s like :: trying to herd cats
Poor man :: brown cap
Great :: and powerful oz

for unconscious mutterings

wordzzle #46

2009-01-22T17:40:00.000-08:00

i haven't done one of these in months and i'm not quite a week behind, but since the new one isn't up yet, i'm safe ;-)
i did the 10 word one this time around (air tight seal, bitter cold, draft card, diner, paragon of virtue, broken computer monitor, CPR, a love of folk music, scatter-brained, can of worms)

wordzzle week #46

"in the sun"

she opened a can of worms by even mentioning the bitter cold to him.
"i'm fed up," he said, "over it, done, let's move."
"but where?" she queried, "we can't afford too much right now, there's that broken computer monitor that needs fixing."
eventhough she liked the warm weather, she wasn't so keen on the feeling of the air tight seal in the house when the air conditioner was on. no way to get out and about when it was 110 degrees in the sunshine.
"well, darling, since we have such a love of folk music, we could just follow our favourite musicians, paragon of virtue, on tour through their tour of warm weather locations!"
he smiled, thinking for sure that his scatter-brained wife would go for this fantastic idea. a chance to get of the house, go somewhere warm and chase her obsession around the world would appeal to her.
she sighed and said, "let's just go out tonight, how about the blue bird diner? they have always have a draft card special. you do still have yours in your wallet right? next to your official CPR card and registration for POV fan club?"
he laughed, "sounds great dear, now where did i leave my sunglasses, i need them to get me into the mood for sunshine."
they trudged their way through the snow to the diner singing folk songs and dreaming of warm weather.

thanks to raven for hosting!!

sunday scribblings #146

2009-01-21T14:31:00.000-08:00

quite a few days late, but as i've been thinking about it, here goes --

pilgrimage

not one to shake things off
she continues to think
over and over it whirls in her head
"made a pilgrimage to save the human race"*
bring her memories from far away
and new realisations at home
life goes on and the world revolves
the old lyrics reread and understood
in a different way
she wakes up to a new day
each and every day
and her long agos are long gone
indeed.

*(c) modern english - "melt with you", no infringement intended*

unconscious mutterings #312

2009-01-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

i say and you think?

Arrival :: time is imminent
Vomit :: is disagreeable
Fit :: is what i long to be
Stutter :: when nervous
Lifestream :: children in time
Tread :: carefully on my heart
Desire :: is above all things
Freezing :: in my house
Permit :: not allowed till he is at least 17
Crinkle :: cut french fries

for unconscious mutterings #312

life on the edge

2009-01-20T09:56:00.000-08:00

what to do
remains the quandary
go out, stay in
be the same
step outside the confines of comfort
make a change
walk on the wild side
bring sunshine
or clouds
news of the world
or just the family
what to do??

unconscious mutterings...

2009-01-14T14:03:00.000-08:00

unconscious mutterings

I say ... and you think ... ?

Resolution :: ambition
Break :: a leg
Tied :: to my hip
Suffering :: in silence
Instead :: sold out
Divorce :: annihilated
Slash :: fiction
Cough :: cold
Happy :: go lucky
Sniffle :: tissue

whenever

2009-01-14T13:57:00.000-08:00

nothing to say
not much new
it's all the same
cold dark snow
wake eat mother
wash dry cook
clean knit read
watch love hope
sleep dark
spring needed
flowers desired
green wanted
warmth
sunshine
please?

organically grownup

2009-01-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

she pours organic milk into her organically grown coffee
it seems so much tastier
it makes her feel healthier
she buys organic eggs
homemade organic cakes and bread

grows tomatoes cukes beans and peas
makes organic salad
she washes clothes in dyefree soaps
uses dyefree meds
and feeds them cereal without colours
only real sugar no high fructose corn syrup
she does her best
she does it for them!

for sunday scribbles # 145 organic

in between

2009-01-09T08:09:00.000-08:00

winter limbo
space between christmas and spring
christmas decorations hang limply
forlorn and undone
discarded trees liter the roadside
emptiness fills the air
brisk wind snow flies
breath of air darkness
abandoned nest
damp dull brown
hint of red hearts
green stem
soon

lit up

2009-01-08T15:10:00.000-08:00

lonely woman wears red coat
grey frizzy hair
walks slowly through the aisles
chooses chicken milk two apples
looks at me
smiles reciprocated
good morning

distinguished man
north face coat
warm hat sunglasses
shade his grey eyes from the sun
from the eyes of others
tall gait boots
strides with purpose
picks up bag from the lonely woman
smiles
good morning

happy new year

2008-12-31T22:21:00.000-08:00

the new year
a new time
a chance to begin again
once more
around the block
or back inside the house
where to start
what to write
how to put it right
make it up
be brave
smile more
lend a hand
sleepless
praymore
in the end
just be.

believing -- sunday scribblings #143

2008-12-28T16:07:00.000-08:00

i believe in miracles,
in those unexpected wonderful happenings.
i believe in love and happiness,
and in that one true love,
the knight in shining armor on the white horse
and that if you are lucky enough to find that person
you have found your miracle
and should thank god every day.
i believe in children and messy houses,
in laundry and muddy feet,
in chocolate and pink toes.
i believe in music and singing,
in loud voices and shouting and laughter,
and in hugs and smiles and kisses.
i believe in life and friends and family.
and i believe in me.

**for sunday scribblings #143 prompted with "i believe". thanks to all for reading and for the comments, it is greatly appreciated**

on being late

2008-12-20T19:24:00.000-08:00

for sunday scribblings #142 the prompt is "late". many thanks for the kind comments and visits to my writings!!

sooner or later

the thought came to her many years after
what if she had missed the bus
and she had never gone
if she hadn't turned up
at the fateful meeting
would her life be different
thusly changed from what it became
if the bus had been late
if he hadn't waited
or better yet
he hadn't shown up
would she have been disappointed
and always wondered about it
sooner or later
it would have happened
fate stepped in
she crept through those years
wandering blindly at times
landing on her feet in the end
keeping together
for the happy
that her life became
for the happy that her life is

instantly

2008-12-12T13:48:00.000-08:00

sunday scribblings #141 prompt for "i knew instantly...", with a slight change to third person :)

instantly

she knew instantly
it was the right thing to do
nothing to think over
no indecision or remorse
not one thing to change
embrace the newness
forge ahead
her heart pounded
nerves and anxiety aside
a deep breath and a push
relief and happiness
her heart and mind swelled
another beautiful baby to adore

**many thanks to those who have visited and commented on my posts, it is greatly appreciated**

along the way

2008-12-09T10:48:00.000-08:00

kindergarteners running laughing
sliding hopping rolling
red light green light
jogger dog walking
ten santa hats atop tall pines
double stroller bundled mom
children singing
"big bells go bom bom bom,
at christmas time"
muddy feet red cheeks cold noses
hola manny hola tools
luke warm hot chocolate
marshmallow fluff
fuzzy slippers furry blankets
home sweet home

sunday scribblings - tradition

2008-12-06T16:32:00.000-08:00

snowflakes fall on her eyelashes
she looks out among the nameless faces
shoppers and holiday seekers
she walks solemnly to the end of the road
she looks right then left
breath catches in her throat
it has all come before her
this one time this one place
the darkness and cold
they suck her back into another time
another place
she feels obligated to return to this chilly place
a sad tradition of sorts
a memory to share within herself
to remember, never to forget
places the single white rose
runs her hand along the gash
over the cool metal post
oblivious to the glaring car lights
the great crush of the crowd surrounds her
she wills herself back to present
brushes tears from her cheeks
and walks on

for sunday scribblings #140 - tradition

the what ifs

2008-12-03T14:02:00.000-08:00

what if she just closed her eyes for a minute
and she imagined her life different
she wasn't in the cold damp flat
the one without central heating or a shared bath

what if she felt the sun on her face
and she felt happy
she wasn't physically or emotionally hurting
the one who cowered or covered the bruise

what if she took that one big step
and she was brave just this time
she wasn't afraid to walk away
the one who packed her bag and left for good.

what if she just shared the secret
and she told her friends and family

what if they didn't judge her
and she felt supported and loved.

what if she lived a better life
and she became herself.

sunday scribblings - winter theme

2008-11-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

for today's sunday scribblings, i'm a bit late tonight....and not totally complete. at some point i will add to this and link back.

"the winter light"

she pushed the heavy drapery back from the 3rd floor window of her flat. peering out onto the usually busy main street now serenely calm in the mid morning dullness, she sighed and pressed the palm of her hand against the cold pane of glass. similar to her mood, the cold wintry rain continued to plop down onto the trees and sidewalks making the whole of the world seem suddenly barren of life.

the call had come last night somewhat unexpectedly. she was unsure how the meeting would go and wondered aloud if she ought to even make the effort at all. it was dreadfully wet outside. she decided to take the chance and if she didn't like the look of him or despised his behaviour she wouldn't bother staying for more than one drink.

TBC

opening my eyes

2008-11-29T14:03:00.000-08:00

needing desperately to hear and see you
knowing where you are at every minute
opening your eyes to the images that are real
and not so real
keeping you safe and moral
knowing what is best
hoping and praying for what is better
vigilantly watching
always

thankful wishes

2008-11-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

a calm day of giving thanks
being grateful for all we have
visiting, chatting, laughing, smiling
enjoying one another's company

every year we gather here
we cook and eat and drink
play games watch parades
and sometimes even football

another year of happiness
of sadness and of pain
we revel in our differences
and thank god for all our friends

bangle finangle

2008-11-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

slicked back
firmly grasp
hold tight
brush over
close eyes
squint again
look harder
pucker up
kissy lips
pink mouth
golden dangles
mirror reflects
happy eyes
shiny edge
close the door
all dolled up
making dinner!

the chair

2008-11-25T18:38:00.001-08:00

alone and quiet it sits forlorn in the garden
only recently baked in the sun and covered with towels
holding wet bodies covered in sunscreen
leaves floated past last week
rain and snow soaked now
slick with the light of the moon and stars
shimmering with ice
forlornly facing the window
peering in each day
dried in the sunshine
warmly removed to the safety of the garden shed.

tiptap

2008-11-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

she lifted her head, her eyes shining
she caught his shadow on the windows as he walked past
his silhouette in the night darkness reflected through the thick steely glass frame
she imagined he looked back toward her
he could not see her, she could not see him
but she again willed him to look at her
tap on the window
return to her
her heart and hands shook
the lone tear fell to her clenched hand on the table.
the shadow moved on, away from her.

**a bit more of the story continued from stranger and grateful**

sunday scribbings - grateful

2008-11-22T11:06:00.000-08:00

sunday scribblings prompt for grateful, and continued from last week's prompted writing. thanks to all for reading and commenting! :)

as he stood, he looked down at her and closed his eyes willing himself not to make a sound.

carefully he reached his hand into his pocket and unclenched his fist. he felt the ring slide into the soft material and rest on the bottom.

he turned away and carefully strode out the door, grateful for the darkness and cool night air.

in deep

2008-11-21T13:43:00.000-08:00

letters dance, words flow, meaningless meaningful
say it all or say nothing
ambiguous is best
articulate speculate dedicate
observations create the images for which my mind writes
orderly
organised
blurry worry furry

annual

2008-11-20T02:00:00.000-08:00

once more trying
another sullen day
it lifts her through her sorrow
where has it gone, she wonders
the time has passed within her
his eyes are not on her
another time, another identity
where does she go
there is no existence
she moves along
each day dragging to another
pushing pulling her heart
given to one given to two
owned by many.

leave me

2008-11-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

familiar names memories of old familiar faces
simple melodies a time of happiness sadness
flooding back over her soul
calming soothing rough tearful
snowflakes on her eyelashes
melting into water
nothingness
everything

light me up

2008-11-17T16:11:00.000-08:00

bright sparkly
twinkly lit up
in my face under the sky
glistening the shiny reflection
facets smooth and sleek
sliding over
slipping shimmering
white red glow
flipping on and off

flirlings

2008-11-16T17:09:00.000-08:00

the images flow and swirl in her head
she ignores the sense of it
and continues on
why or why nots blur in the edges
rushing forward holding to nothing
the wind at her face in her hair in her eyes
she's blinded
the reality isn't real
she closes her eyes
she needs to see the truth

within

2008-11-15T19:24:00.000-08:00

darkness surrounds the car
two figures within
unwilling to break the magic
no words, just sighs
niceties prevail
"it was a fine evening"
"i enjoyed myself"
unspoken words
hearts beat
hand on lap
warmth flush
"i'll walk you to the door"
a nod, a smile
a hopeful glimmer
slam door, key jingles
slow walk
tension, anticipation
she turns, hesitates
"will you come in"
a breath, a second
he takes her hand
stands close
kisses her lips
"i can't, not tonight, not yet"
understanding
a nod
an embrace
"soon"

saturday scribes

2008-11-15T17:15:00.000-08:00

saturday scribes writing prompts

panic
disoriented
sleepless
slog

please don't panic, the words will flow, the images will come.
you might be sleepless for a while, but that too will improve.
give it time, you will fall blissfully into a calm doze.
and when you wake you might feel slightly disoriented but it will pass.
it should pass.
it will go away, eventually.
and then you will be return to your normal life.
the one that you must slog through one day at a time.
and then they will want to borrow the keys to the car!

stranger

2008-11-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

sunday scribblings prompt

he reached across the table and gently touched her cheek with his open palm.
he stood to leave, she quickly glanced down at her half empty glass,
a lone tear wetting the corner of her eye.
he hesitated behind her.
she hoped he would speak.
any word.
anything at all.
something to make it worthwhile.
he sighed, putting his hands in his pockets.
footsteps away.
he was now a stranger to her after all.

the hardest part

2008-11-14T07:59:00.000-08:00

electric air
anticipation
waiting, waiting, waiting.
ice cubes clink
deep breath
scan room
set lists
drinks
amps on
sticks and picks
lights dim
background music fades out
figures emerge
darkened becomes light
bass drum
cymbal strikes
heart races
first note
saxophone lifts
tempo swells
one drop
singalong
dance, shake, smile
recognition happiness
music flows
non-existent time
one person in time
eye catching
whirling twirling plume
flashbulb bright
slow down
speed up
take a break
fade in, fade out
greetings salutations
adieu